Alright, we’re doing this, hook or crook!
As tired as I am, I’m actually in a good mood. And it’s a far cry from how I’ve felt the past couple of days (especially the nights), including this morning. In short, some depression hit me hard. Like, sit in one spot slouching, not doing anything else. My spirit just begging to cry out, my heart wanting so bad to let the sadness be fully realized. But of course it never happened.
This blog / daily writing challenge fell by the wayside of it again. And it nearly happened tonight as well. But, I caught myself, and here we are. The last two nights were at least somewhat excusable. I don’t think anything could have brought me to write anything other than point-form misery.
And that I find very telling about how narrow-minded I can feel when in the throes of anxiety and depression. My perception of things, my sense of reason and rationale, it becomes so blurry and muddy, and as though only a good slap to the face could snap me out of it.
Thankfully these spells don’t last very long. The one I felt this morning was fairly short-lived, and before I knew it I was rushing to finish a project at work before hustling home to prepare for a concert. Soon I was at the show, talking to people and setting up my drums and electronics, chatting with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time, performing… a great time was had, whirlwind and all.
And now I here I sit, shirtless and full of pizza and feeling ready to drop off to sleep.
I’m holding on, and holding on strong. Change is coming, as long as I let it and help it too. I’ve been very fortunate in my life, with great opportunities often falling right in my lap with dumb luck. But I’m in a position where I can’t simply trust that new opportunities will just come along, let alone work out to the best possible degrees. I need to open the doors, take the opportunities by the hand and go running through the rain with romantic intentions for my mental health’s future.
Tomorrow is another day. And as long as I can wake up hale and hearty, then I will do my best to receive what happens to me – good or bad – with an assurance that I will come out the other end alive.
© 2017 Day By Day Mental